There have been several times in my life that I have been scarred indelibly. Like the time I was denied the freedom of blowing spit bubbles or the time I was denied the shoes that lit up with flashing lights. Apparently they’re not available in adult. Hmph! However, I have never been as deeply scarred as I was last night. Now before the words ‘LAST NIGHT’ put any weird thoughts in your mind, let me clarify. I finally watched Ragini MMS 2. Now AAF COURSE it was my fault that after a good Part 1 I actually had expectations! How stupid of me! I mean why on earth would you have a mediocre cast and a great plot when you can have shitloads of sexual thingummies happening just out of sight and a…well….wait, was there a plot at all? Since this was one of the first few films that Sunny Leone did after getting out of the porn industry, one can’t blame the director for really milking it for all it’s worth. Yes, I said milking. When you see the movie, you will know why. The woman is in the middle of an effin’ jungle wearing scraps of fabric (?) and high heels. She’s the star attraction. Surrounded by a cast of the horniest effin’ misfits in the industry, an elegantly done up haunted house that is actually in ruins (again, watch the movie) and three ghosts who just NEVER comb their hair. If I went that long with uncombed hair, my mum would have thrown a couple of remarkable hissy fits while yanking me off to the nearest finishing school! Honestly though, I have no right to review this film. I’m simply not worthy enough! For one, I don’t just don underwear, forget everything else and then hang around on the sets is a disturbingly busty fashion. So, I devised a simple way to get the message across. Let’s say there is a Koffee with Karan episode with me and this fool of a director. KJo: So Akshara, tell us the story of the movie!
A: Well, assuming everyone has watched Part 1 and just gotten over their nightmares, Part 2 begins with the poor girl in an asylum, still haunted by the evil chick.
Director (With a hand down his pants. Why? Because he’s a sleazy bastard!): Mhmm…
A: Then there is fat chap who….
Director: HORRIBLE SELF PLEASURE BY THE LAST PERSON YOU WANT TO SEE INDULGING IN IT. HE IS FINISHED BEFORE HE CAN FINISH. *sleazy chuckle*
KJo: *Expensive, girlish giggle while mentally hearing the TRPs shoot up*
A: Anyways, so there is this movie being made on the story of Part 1 and….
Director: SUNNY LEONE IN UNDERWEAR. SUNNY LEONE CHANGING HER CLOTHES. SUNNY LEONE WITH THOSE RED LIPS….AND….
A: Ok stop…and then a couple of people stay over at the house. Rest of the cast in a nearby hotel because the house and its stories scare them. At night…
Director: UGLY MAN DOING THINGS TO HIMSELF…WEIRD DIRECTOR WANTING THINGS DONE TO HIMSELF. A CLEARLY DESPERATE SANDHYA MRIDUL WITH THE DIALOGS, MAKE UP AND OUTFIT OF AN AUTISTIC OSTRICH…….AND SUNNY IN LINGERIE…
KJo: *On the edge of his seat in not at all concealed glee*
A: *Shifting away from sleazeball of a director slimily cutting the distance between him and me on the couch* Right…so the ghost she…
Director: TOPLESS SUNNY IN THE SHOWER WITH A RIDICULOUSLY UGLY MAN
A: STOP! The ghost is trying to kil..
Director: SUNNY IN LINGERIE….UGLY PEOPLE IN VARIOUS STAGES OF APPARENT SEDUCTION. SUNNY IN LINGERIE
A: And then there’s this doctor…
Director: *Eyeballing me with what is apparently a ridiculously seductive look* THUNDER THINGS ON UNNECESSARY DISPLAY….SUNNY IN LINGERIE. SUNNY TOPLESS…..
A: *facepalming self* …and everyone dies except Doc, Sunny in lingerie and grim dude….And two ghosts….
Director: SUNNY IN LINGE…..
A: *IMMENSE JAW BREAKING SLAP ACROSS THE FACE*
Director: Oh yeah baby….HARDER!
KJo: *Wets himself*