My Greatest Fear

Everybody in this world is afraid of something. Some people are afraid of buttons, some of the number 13 and some of the colour green. Me? My fear is loneliness. Well, there is a bunch of other stuff that freaks me out but this is one fear that evokes emotion in me that I have plenty to share.
Basically, I am not the OMG-I-lost-an-eyelash-and-now-I-need-therapy types. But I do have my moments and when I do do have these moments, I need therapy. The kind that only a mom or a best friend or even an auto guy can offer. The auto guy because I can scream at him and get all the pent-up sour mood out of me. The flipside? He is bound to take it out on some other innocent poor thing, just like I did to him. Boo!
But one of the worst days I can ever have is when I am trying to reach out for help or a comfortable outlet to vent out on and not find anyone. I mean, I know people get busy and so do I. But needing someone and not having anyone is just plain painful. Times like these, beautiful outfits lose their charm, food becomes a taxing necessity and work becomes a pain in the ass. But work is a pain in the ass anyways so that’s a pointless symptom.
Don’t get me wrong, being alone can be amazing. You can ruffle up comfort food, watch a ridiculous movie, float around the house naked (preferably with the curtains closed unless you want to scare the bejesus out of your neighbours) or have a burping competition with yourself. But some days all this stuff makes no sense and loses its appeal. Days like this, when I need someone and don’t find anyone, what in God’s name am I supposed to do?
I believe that at the end of the day, we all need the go-to person. The punching bag, the deep, dark void full of love and comfort. When you don’t get it, you get lonely and THAT loneliness is something that frightens me more than anything else in this world. More than ghosts in a dark room also.

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2 Responses to My Greatest Fear

  1. Pratyusha says:

    Time to have kids then akshara… They will make sure you are not left alone even for a split second while you go to the bathroom!!!!!;)

    Like

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