My mum thinks I am turning quiet and here’s why

My mother…my originator…the reason for my being…and so on and so forth made a chilling statement today. I shuddered, I wept, I declared it untrue but NO! She swept forth with relentless passion and rage. She said I had become sober..quiet…and and *no Akshara don’t say it lest it comes true* GROWN UP AND MATURE!!!!

But then I took out some time to think. I thank and thank and thanked some more. I realised if you’ve seen half the things I’ve ever seen in my life, you’d probably never live. Here’s a list:

Á       The twilight series (books and, as if that wasn’t enough, the movies too)

Á       The other random book by the same random twilight series author (yes, I don’t learn from past mistakes)

Á       The new IDEA ad about the mumbai population *they’re wrong by the way, it’s actually the deo ads…spoken for below…that are the reason for the high population*

Á       All, and I really mean ALL, the no-we-are-not promoting-various-forms-of-taboo-sex deo ads

Á       Watching my hard earned money flow into financing Kalmadi’s silken man panties *I’ve recently started paying tax; also, I don’t see roads or drainage and I don’t see Kalmadi spending his money visibly so I’m assuming he splurges on underwear*

Á       My picture of fresh rotis provoking comments unanimously in support of my marriage with no one bothering to ask if I managed any dals or sabzis for survival

Á       A lady at work who is so elegant she could be a Versace or Louis Vuitton burping inches away from my ear when I was on an important call

Á       Carbs

Á       Yes, carbs

Á       I think carbs deserve one more point

Á       Potholes so deep that when my ride climbs out of it, I’m pretty sure I’ve left behind my self respect, a few strands of hair and ermm…ahem…umm…ya, we’ll skip that for now

Á       Nose hair so long they could be a moustache…or a beard in some cases

Á       Katrina Kaif’s accent, Aishwarya Rai’s im-so-flirty look over the shoulders, Bobby darling and Bobby darling’s darling *sigh! How ugly are you that you couldn’t find a woman*

Á       Scratchers….bum, hair, nose, ears, *ahem*, your bum, your *ahem*…scratchers of all kinds, specially the pub(l)ic ones

Á       The guys who surround a reporter and look blankly into the screen waiting for SOMETHING to happen nah! Who am I kidding…I wish I was one of them K


I could go on quite a bit but I may become quitter still. Sheesh!

PS: just before I pop off I must mention a couple more…hairy women, hairless men, underarm makeup, butt doubles, Kristen Stewart, shows where Rakhi Sawant gives relationship advice, smelly socks…

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3 Responses to My mum thinks I am turning quiet and here’s why

  1. Abhishek Prakash says:

    Akshara, Sorry bt i dnt understood Harry Potter as Shashank Shah Sinha…why so??
    Plz explain. 🙂


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